Im Lame and I know it

So its been awhile, my bad I know. But there aren't many if any readers out there. I have been quilting up a storm so I have a completely finished quilt, the one I told you about before. And I finished making the top of a Double Wedding Ring and I plan on making it for my cousin's wedding in a year and a half, so there is time to get it on the frame. So now I have just begun an Amish Stripes quilt for myself. I have had the fabric for this quilt for about six years, so I finally have the time and the ambition to start and finish it.
So still no news on the baby front. If there is still nothing good to report, then I think we are going back to the specialist. It has been over a year and a half and we need help. Plus if my husband gets the job that he is supposed to he will be working a lot more and making more money. We can then afford to go to the specialist, because that is all out of pocket ad not cheap at all.

Its my blog and I will whine if I want to!

I will commence my whining session now. I am going to go way off the knitting theme here, and go on to the baby part of my blog. I have been married for over a year and a half now, and trying to create offspring for just as long. My entire life I have wanted to be a mom, and I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, well sort of. I work at my parents tomato farm in the summers, planting has already started, so I am working some days now. I will continue to work longer hours through the summer until Halloween. This set up works very well for having children, working in the summer and instilling a work ethic while they are young; and having my mom and sister and maybe grandma around to keep an eye on the little buggers, all while working as a family.

So I have had no luck in making my mommy dreams come true. I write this tonight after working at my churches fish dinner, I was the first of my peers to get married, I am young, and I own that fact. But my husband and I are financially stable, and on our own feet completely; my peers on the other hand are living at home with mom and dad, and oops, someone gets pregnant. Nothing kills me more than people having children and then getting married because of said children. Own the fact that you made a baby, and may not be suited for each other, and share custody or whatever. I am not knocking anyone's decisions, but for the most part, people that I know who are around my age, and have babies before being married or committed, and then getting married for the sake of appearances drive me crazy.

Long story short, I have fertility problems. I am angry and upset at the world and maybe even God. I did everything right. I graduated high school, I graduated college, I dated a lot of Mr. wrongs before I found my Mr. Right. We dated and were committed, we got a dog. We got engaged, and got married. We bought a house and another dog. He has a stable and good job, I work at the family business. I go to church, I help the community, I love his family, and he loves mine. So now I will ask and whine, Why not me? I do everything in my power to build a family and home to bring a child into, and I can't. I know I am the problem, I have been tested the husband has been tested, and the results all point to me as the problem.

Now comes the overshare... I have been pregnant; last summer we did it on our own, and it was the most glorious 8 weeks ever. Then my bubble popped. That was one of the very lowest points of my life, and I know my loss was not that great, compared to others. And now it is coming close to my original due date, and I get sad, wishing I still had the baby I lost. Now that I think about it, I am tired of all of it. I go to the special lady doctor, cause the regular ob/gyn can't handle my messed up body, and I get hormones and fetility pills, and I hot flash like a menopausal woman, then I get ultrasounds, then a shot, all paid for out of my pocket. I have health insurance, but my infertility is not their problem. That is not my issue, I can save my extra money, and sacrafice a vacation in order to have my baby. It just doesn't work. It hasn't so far.

I give up. If I offer up my utter failure to God, or the fates or who ever, will they have mercy on me? When I swore off men in my second semester of college, I met my future husband. Do I have to put it out there in order for it to be recognized? I know I am young and should not be worried, but it is all these people I know who are my age, and have accidental pregnancies and babies, then get married. I do everything right and I literally can't produce an heir without medical assistance. I am done, I give up. Do you hear me out there, I can't take it anymore. Maybe God is planning an elaborate 22nd birthday present for me, and it comes in the form of 2 pink lines. I doubt it, and I give up.

Quilt

So this quilt has been living in my family room for about a month now. I really need to finish it, but I would rather be knitting. Also, I have fallen out of love with this quilt in particular. I made the top, and there are like thousands of tiny pieces all sewn together, I wish I would have never made it, I hate it to the point that I will be giving it to my cousin's fiance as soon as I finish it, which may be never.
Oh, and I taught said cousin's fiance to knit, granted we only got a first lesson with cast on and the knit stitch before we had drank too many pineapple upside down martinis to make heads or tales of any knitting. I love having a girlfriend my age who wants to learn knitting. I don't know anyone else in my circle of friends who gives two hoots about my knitting adventures and sock club membership, but she loves it, and will always listen to me babble on about how socks rock, and acrylic is the devil, when blended incorrectly.
Now off to play with Ralph, my new Quaker parrot. (note to self, take pictures of Ralph to share with interwebs.)

Pictures!

So here is my mother in law's February Birthday Sweater.
Sorry for the bad lighting, and overall unhappy look on my face, but the husband was making it difficult to take nice pictures.
Here are pictures of my February Lady Sweater, also knit in Dyeabolical's Cotton Slub yarn. Bright green seemed appropriate, because I love color, and I can always wear a neutral cami underneath, or pop another bright color.

We got a Bird

So my husband and I have been thinking of adding another pet into our lives, and somehow a bird got thrown into the mix. We can't have a cat, the pugs would hate it, and no reptiles or amphibiens. Also, my hubby has a way of killing any fish in the vicinity, and not hamsters or other furry rodent creatures. So a bird, and not just a little parakeet or finch or anything, a parrot. A Quaker Parrot, like a fat parakeet who needs more attention.
So Ralph is our 3 month old Quaker, and we take him to the avian vet today. I really like playing with him, but I just don't know how to play with a bird. We are working on the up command and getting him in and out of the cage safely. He plays with his toys in the cage by himself, he eats regularly and enough, I just don't know the best way to bond and interact with him.
I talk to him all the time, and he will squeak back at me, and the pugs cry at him from the floor, and he mimics their cries.

In knitting news I finished my mother in laws February Lady sweater, so all I have to do is take pictures, wrap it up and hand it over. So after having such and easy time making her sweater, I have started one for myself. Same yarn, only mine is bright green, and mine will have longer sleeves and be a bit smaller. Hopefully I will get some pictures taken of my finished projects, and little Ralphie.

February Lady Sweater

So I am maybe halfway through this February Lady Sweater for my Mother in law. She tried it on over the weekend and it fits her wonderfully. I am just hoping that it doesn't grow when I block it. I need to find buttons for this birthday sweater, and I think I will have it finished by the end of February for her birthday.
Right now I am fighting one heck of a cold, and after 2 days of fever and night sweats, I am feeling better. I hope I will be better by Saturday, which is the Mardi Gras parade in Soulard, and I will be working for the Cat's Meow bar. I don't know exactly what I will be doing, but I can guarantee I will be outside freezing my butt off. That is one long day, and having a cold, or being sick in anyway would make that day even more miserable than dealing with drunks at noon.
I am off to drown myself in cold medicine and work through a big chunk of the February Lady Sweater. Wish me luck.

Its been awhile

So I lied... about taking a break from knitting. I am so bad, I try to take a break and a week later I remember about that cardigan I promised my mother in law, and that is just the start. Next, after I just cast on for her February Lady Sweater, in the mail come my Socks That Rock Sock Club shipment. Now what? So the MIL's sweater is on the needles looking good, and I want one of my own in a different color. The the Socks That Rock club, then I have two other Socks That Rock yarn that I want to wear right now!! So that makes about five total projects that I want to have done or in the works right now. But I digress.

I have decided that I will not wind any skeins of yarn until the very day I use them, because I just love, love, love, to pet the sock yarn skein from my club. My husband looks at me like a crazy person when I pick up the skein and hold it close to my face and tell it how pretty it looks today. Oh, I almost forgot the mini emergency skein, that I love, but it is not as sqwishable as the skein. There will be pictures later of all of the things I have been doing, but for now I must continue knitting, knitting, knitting.